Now you can pick the sex of your baby in the privacy of your own home. Or so the Internet sellers of sex-selection kits would have you believe. The latest fad in babymaking offers guaranteed, worry-free gender selection for just $199 plus shipping.See, it's guaranteed! What brilliance! If it only "works" half the time (i.e. not at all), they still get to keep at least half the money -- probably much more, since people won't bother returning it.
One home-use product is the GenSelect system, featuring boy and girl kits offered over the Internet at $199 apiece plus shipping. It is touted as being 96 percent effective if properly used. ... Sweazy said thousands of kits have been sold worldwide since the Web site started three years ago, and that business has tripled in the past year. He said he did not have information on how many babies of the desired gender have been born with GenSelect, and a spokesman said sales figures are confidential. ... "We have some people who didn't get the gender that they chose," Sweazy said, "but virtually every one of them didn't do it right."This is absolutely hilarious. You'd think most people wouldn't fall for such an obvious scam. But then you'd remember what most people are actually like:
Veronica Moister of Lake Worth, Fla. said she's almost seven months pregnant with the girl she wanted thanks to GenSelect. She found their site while Web surfing and was pretty doubtful at first. ... Moister said she became a convert when she learned she was carrying a girl.Yeah, way to infer to the best explanation, there. By the way, if anyone's wondering, I'm God. If you're planning to have a baby anytime soon, pray to me and tell me what gender you want. If you end up getting that gender, then go ahead and start worshipping me. (If you don't, then you didn't pray right.)